The Mind of a Young Dreamer

Relaxing Day with Jennifer

Mon, 13 Oct 2008 19:40:34 GMT

My sister came back today from Gainsville. She is visiting Florida this weekend. We spent most of the afternoon discussing politics, government, and philosophy. We enjoyed a wonderful sushi dinner in Fernandina Beach. After dinner we played around on the internet a bit. We both laughed and laughed until we cried upon watching a You Tube video of how to play the "Entertainer" on the piano. The video went WAY too fast. There was no way to keep up. What really got us laughing though was a comment that follwed from another user about the video:

"u done a real big mistake because its not slow its just fast all the way through so no one can learn it properly. so thats why u havent go any 'thank you' or 'this helped' from anyone."

Diego Garcia July 14-30, 2008

Mon, 13 Oct 2008 19:33:54 GMT

One of the Navy's best kept secrets...

Before arriving in Diego Garcia I had somewhat of a questionable perception of the place. People on the boat would often allude to it during their lamenting juxtaposition with some other place they would rather go.

When we arrived in Diego Garcia the sun was beautiful, the water was crystal blue, and the tropical green canopy of the coconut palm trees were EVERYWHERE!!! This place was an island paradise!

Over the two weeks spent there I was "forced" to relax and unwind after a long and arduous deployment. I believe my stress dropped significantly.

The island also offered very diverse wild life, beautiful reefs to swim and snorkel around, VERY cheap food and drinks, and tons of MWR sponsored events. There was always something fun to do and there was usually a free T-shirt involved.

The island is small, very narrow, and about 16 miles in circumference.

I spent a good bit of time in the water and the sun. I loved it.

Welcome Back to the USA

Mon, 13 Oct 2008 19:24:42 GMT

Today, and I use that term loosely, has been pretty hectic and taxing. I have been on and off airplanes for about 24 hours now. We are currently in Bangor, Maine boarding the plane and getting ready to leave. The next stop is Wisconsin and then finally home to Jacksonville, Florida. We started at the Diego Garcia "airport" and then flew to Kuwait and then to Leipzig, Germany.

After Germany we flew for another seven hours and arrived back in the United States in Maine. From there things became a bit cumbersome. Apparently we (USS Florida) caused the 70 something soldiers traveling with us to go through customs a second time. We were required to unload the entire plane and then reload it again. To exacerbate the problem further our own ship's force working party (approximately 20 men) were not allowed to assist with unloading or loading the cargo from the plane. Instead "three" union guys loaded everything resulting in significant loss of time and money.

Then came the bags... so our working party decided to make themselves useful anyways and employ their efforts "unloading" bags off the conveyor belt next to customs... the result.. bags and people were EVERYWHERE!!!

Finally I procured and collected all of my luggage and made it through customs with no further hindrance.

Then came the surprise. I walked tired and weary and almost down the corridor to the lounge and restrooms. As I turned the corner I heard clapping. I looked behind me and there was no one else around. There were people clapping for me.

As I walked up, a line of about 30 military veterans and their wives were smiling and enthusiastically telling me "thank you" and "welcome home". There were veterans from World War II, Korea, Vietnam, Desert Storm. I felt so wonderful. I just could not believe it. My eyes watered and I could not stop smiling. I shook each and every one of their hands smiling. I told them all thank you as they welcomed me home. I felt so overjoyed... Finally there were people that understood EXACTLY what I had experienced. These were MY heroes welcoming ME home and clapping for ME.

Underway toward Diego Garcia

Mon, 13 Oct 2008 19:02:30 GMT

It is now July. I feel as though this journey is finally coming to and end. We still have a few more tasks on the horizon, but I can sense the spirit of home.

Times have been rough and a bit stressful recently. However, I believe I need to redouble my efforts and embrace a positive and enthusiastic attitude. I know my future is in God's hands. Thus, I can rest assured that my future will be filled with effulgent hope.

We have mainly been standing watch and conducting some training. I continue to work out and I even ran eight miles two days ago. I need to find a novel method to break up my mental ennui. I need to embrace a discipline that will guide me.

Writing

Sat, 28 Jul 2007 23:01:15 GMT

The more I think the more I realize that I need to write. This seems the only means for me to leave a creative mark upon the world. I want to relay my philosophy and thoughts to others. I wonder if anyone will see anything of value.

I want to be appreciated. I want to be valuable to others.

I need to help out and be a more giving individual. Recently I wonder what is the point of my existence. Am I really making a difference for the greater good? Is there such a thing as the greater good? The solum bonum?

Personally I feel so ambivalent at times. A large part of me thirsts for honor and virtue; to fight for what is right. Another part of me poses the question "what does it matter?" If it does not matter for anything then why not seek your own selfish ends? If we break everything down to the micro level is anyone acting out of anything except selfish ends? Even my "hypothetical question" (see facebook) has only two possibilities. On the surface one appears selfish and one does not; yet they are both selfish upon further analysis. Ultimately we will act in our own best interest. If we act out of love for our families it is still selfish because we value our families the most. We gain the most utility from our families. If we sacrifice ourselves for humanity then it is still selfish because we gain more utility from making the sacrifice as opposed to not making it. Is there an escape from this? It would seem that any escape would not necessarily be useful or practical (unless by accident.) Rather the escape would be irrational and absurd.

Lazy Weekend

Sat, 28 Jul 2007 22:47:57 GMT

Yesterday I played paintball for the first time and rather enjoyed it. I played on base with some people from the command. I was not the best but dramatically improved throughout the day. I have a battle scars left over but they are well worth it.

Today I have been sitting around taking care of domestic and financial affairs. I have also been enjoying my house. I wish I had some more friends to come over and drink and watch TV with me. I may go to Hooters later on. Again I wish I had some more friends to go with me. I wish I had a base of friends as I did in Norfolk. Tomorrow I may go to church if I can get up on time.

I need to get ahead financially. I may consider selling my houses if it is worth it. I think I may look back to the stock market and other business adventures. I hope to get one more roommate in August. They guy seems pretty cool and he is in the military too.

Reflections: I wonder about this country sometimes and our politics. The government just seems to encroach more and more on the way we live our lives. Why can we not be free to do what we want? Why do special interests and individuals have to seize power through the government in an attempt to control our lives? Why do these people that seize power always seem to be the least fit to wield it? Reflecting on Machiavelli, I agree that the founding of a nation or a state is of critical importance. It seems that this may be the one and only time to strategically position the political structure as to shield it from the capricious nature of the masses and special interests over time. Unfortunately, much of our founding has been unmade by the test of time. In order to repair the maladies of our politics it seems that several unpopular moves would be in order. Thus, there seems to be a low chance of these positive changes actually being executed.

About Time!

Fri, 29 Sep 2006 21:33:30 GMT

It is currently Friday afternoon and I am enjoying some downtime after work. I just finished updating live journal for some back dated entries from my days at Officer Candidate School. I found my old journal from there and have been involved in the tedious process of transcribing it to this website. I must admit that reading over it again conjures up many unpleasant memories. Of course there will be more back dated entries to come form both the distant and the recent past. Quite a bit has happened since I have returned from sea. Even in the last week quite a bit has happened!

A few highlights...

I am no longer single. As my father would say the girl of my fancy and I are now an "item." It is kind of funny and maybe even a little ironic but she once told me that she wished she could just jump into being in a relationship and skip the "awkward beginning." Yet these inchoate stages and the events leading up to them are priceless, at least to me.

I still continue to battle anxiety at work. I have come to the somewhat singular conclusion that my stresses are generally greatest in the morning. By the time the afternoon comes, stress and anxiety are nowhere near the bugbears they were during the early hours. Generally, by evening these vile forces are but fleeting memories. Of course, talking to that certain special someone at night does wonders to mitigate my stress and ameliorate my overall disposition.

I have quite a bit of work to do around the house. I need to tidy up the inside, vacuum, do laundry, mow the lawn, and get organized.

I still need to find some roommates. It would be nice to meet a few more friends outside of work as well.

I need to ramp up my routine for physical exercise.

I am looking forward to October. I have several things planned. I am supposed to go to Scarowinds, take five days of leave and go camping with the Venture Crew, and to get underway for a bit. Now that I know that my underway time with another boat will be short lived I am rather looking forward to it especially to finishing up my qualifications for good and to getting away from our boat. I hope things will be more stable upon my return.

I have been listening to The Picture of Dorian Grey on CD while driving my truck. I find it a little bit underwhelming. I was fascinated with the character ever since the movie The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, which I love. I want to keep this habit up and continue enjoying classics and other useful audio while driving. I spend so much time in my truck, might as well make the best of it. I really need to get some vocabulary building audio with a high efficacy. I have employed these programs before and reaped great rewards. I need to continue doing this.

Well more to come later... Perhaps something a little bit more profound or insightful.

Tired

Tue, 19 Sep 2006 01:32:57 GMT

There are so many things to write about but right now I am just beat. We are in shift work for a few days and they are 12 hour shifts.

I really hope I can get home this weekend to see my family, friends, and someone special!

It is really good to be home from sea. I have missed my house.

I got a fridge finally! I need some roommates and a grill!

I love causing a little bit of controversy :-P Mwahahaha! Perhaps I am not such the "evil corrupting guy" that some may think.

I saw Better Than Ezra in Jacksonville Beach on Thursday night. That was schweet!!!!

I want to pick up the guitar more!

More back dated and coherent entries to follow soon!

To Sea and Back Again

Mon, 31 Jul 2006 03:46:04 GMT

Well I am writing from my bedroom interestingly enough. I was supposed to be at sea right now but due to a sequence of singular events I am not.
We left for underway on Friday morning. Friday was a long day. I stood the maneuvering watch in the morning, did some divisional paperwork, rigged the missile compartment for dive and found exceptions that the first guy missed, and I got caught up at the scene of a drill all before I could attempt to sleep. The maneuvering watch was rather dry; not too much happened, save a few lame forward drills. Afterwards I had to correct paperwork for the engineer for Reactor Laboratories division; we still have enormous amounts of administrative work messed up that we need to fix. Finally I was able to begin my rig for dive assignment for the missile compartment. As I had not done this compartment in quite a long time I was walking around clumsily and without a clue. Thankfully, I had saved notes from qualifications that allowed me to find the appropriate valves and components. Much to my chagrin I came across two exceptions that the first guy missed. For those of you that are not familiar with rig for dive, this is a serious violation. If the ship is not properly rigged for dive then it could be disastrous after we dive. I really did not want the guy to get in a load of trouble. I reported the exceptions and told the ship’s diving officer. He seemed rather busy and told me to find the guy and look into the exceptions. So I did. I did not hear anything else about it. I think this guy was lucky. Finally I attempted to get some sleep to little avail. Much to my chagrin I was rudely awakened twice by the 1MJ phone ringing in my stateroom. Both times were wrong numbers. Finally I had to get up again for my pre-watch tour, brief, and watch. By this time rumors had spread across the ship that we were not going to stay out at sea. Sure enough, after a long difficult watch the rumors were confirmed. We were pulling in. What did this mean for me? No sleep of course! Finally, after a long day I got home around four in the afternoon and went to bed for the night..

I am thankful for my wonderful God and my wonderful family. The good Lord fills each day with wonder and marvelous things. I do believe in miracles and I believe that there is endless wonder out there in life for me. God is with me and He blesses me. He wants me to succeed, He wants wonderful things to happen to me and He wants to fill my life with awe, excitement, adventure, love, and truth. I feel as though I need to be more positive. Despite adversity at work or elsewhere, I can and will make a difference. I refuse to succumb to negative energy and an environment that fosters bitterness without a fight or at all for that matter. Yes things seem very difficult currently, but the Lord is blessing me and I am thankful. I am also so thankful for being able to go to Nags Head, for the friends that I have, for the inspiring people that work for me, and for my health. For my success in real estate, and for the people that touch my life.
I believe that words are powerful. They direct the conscious and unconscious. The spoken word is a seed and manifests itself into reality. It is important to watch your words for they are tools for creation or destruction. Your word really is your wand. I will continue to use positive affirmations on a daily basis.
Today is a good day. Many wonderful surprises came into being just as I had claimed them. I was even able to get out of work very early and with ease. I believe that today is a new day and a new start.

It's me I swear!

Sun, 23 Jul 2006 21:04:55 GMT

This is going to have to be yet another cursory entry but I just have to update this thing. I reckon that if I can at least get a little bit down each day then that will count for something. I still have some back dated entries that I need to put in here. All these entries are going to seem weird once they are actually in so let the reader beware.

Well, what has been happening?

I am currently in Barnes and Noble on the internet because the service at my house is not working properly. I got back from Nags Head yesterday. It was a complete blast. The waves this year were really sweet for most of the week. There was a tropical storm that came by and just dodged us, yet the peripheral winds engendered some awesome waves. I rode them with my nephews and nieces and wore myself out. They were towering above me and crashing with power and awe!

The old Christmas Shop has closed down. I was sad to see that. Newman's shell shop and museum has also closed. At least Cahoon's is still around.

The "cottage" we stayed in was more like a mansion.... for real. 7 bedrooms and 8 bathrooms. Price for aforementioned house.... $$$$4 million $$$$$ It was so sweet. Flat screen TV in every room, wireless internet, pool, hot tub, 5000 square feet of decks, ocean front, designer kitchen, built in wall speakers with XM radio in every room, wireless receiver, bar, auxiliary snack bar, TWO huge gas grills, and the list goes on and on. It was so cool. We got away with a steal for the price. I hear they are increasing it $2000 / week next summer. We were only the third people to stay there. Oh! And the bathrooms were incredible. Each one had at least 3 shower heads. Most had 5!

I thank God that I was able to go on this vacation. I really needed it. Yet I still am somewhat anxious about returning to work.

I do not really want to go back to work and I am somewhat apprehensive about going back out to sea. I really need to get settled in my house and to get some roommates. Meeting a few cute girls would be nice too. I really am starting to feel that the military is very taxing on my life. I think I need to adjust my spiritual attitude to be more conducive to accepting this lifestyle for the time being.

Speaking of which, I have been reading an awesome book called The Sermon on the Mount by Emmet Fox. This book is incredible and very well may change my life for the better. He is a Christian mystic and he discusses the famous sermon of Jesus. I believe there is so much more meaning there than I ever could have imagined before. It makes it a shame that so many people see to water down the message and take on the attributes of the Pharisees that Christ objected to.

Well I must go, but more to come soon... hopefully.

It's about damn time....

Fri, 16 Jun 2006 00:46:08 GMT

Well I thought that it would behoove me to update this finally. I believe that writing in here is good for my overall edification. Currently I am in junior officer school. This means that I get to enjoy a brief hiatus from my quotidian duties on the boat. Unfortunately, I still have to stand duty on Saturday though.

I am closing on my house tomorrow and plan to move round one of my furniture and personal effects. The house is beautiful but I really need to find some roommates. The mortgage on this baby is going to be a killer; albeit, the appreciation so far has been very promising.

Well I suppose that I will write more in the near future and hopefully put some backdated entries in as well. I have to go to bed early as I would like to get up in time for morning physical training before class tomorrow morning. This weekend is going to be busy.

For one of my next entries I would like to discuss some thoughts that I have on one of my favorite quotes from the Bible. More on that later though!

A Lazy Day

Sat, 22 Apr 2006 23:56:52 GMT

First I think a recap for the events of this past week should be in order.... Our captain returned and I subsequently had my engineering officer of the watch and engineering duty officer board. I was a bit nervous at first though the captain's presence and jocular remarks were quite disarming. I enjoyed the board and passed with a measly two small look-ups. Let us see.... also this week I spent a few days in the gym working on my back, shoulders, and general aerobic exercise.

Well not much of a recap after all I guess. Oh well. Last night Jessie, and myself ate dinner at a place in Fernandina Beach called Murray's. Afterwords we picked up Carl, who was already a slightly inebriated, and we proceeded to seek out some bars. At first our adventure was pretty fruitless as we drove in circles wasting gas. Finally we stopped at Applebee's in hopes of settling down there as a backup choice. Unfortunately, much to our chagrin, Appleee's was closing at that very moment. However, not all was lost, we were directed to a local bar not too terribly far away. There, at the River's Edge, we discovered redneck central. After a few drinks and a couple of rounds of pool we called it a night.

Today was a very quiet and lazy day. I was originally planning to go to the beach, unfortunately the weather did not cooperate. Instead I downloaded some music, played on-line, ran a few errands, ate Chinese, and watched some movies at home. Tomorrow I have duty and so I will have to get to bed at a decent time this evening.

It has been a while...

Tue, 14 Mar 2006 01:59:57 GMT

Well I figured that it is about time to update this journal. Currently I am living on board the USS Florida and am availing myself to Wedding Crashers on the new plasma television in officers study. I do not think this will be a long entry, albeit I tend to write something to that degree quite often.

Earlier this evening I was assigned the task of couriering some documents over to the USS Georgia. This turned out to be quite an errand as I seemed to stumble upon a wrong turn. The next thing I knew I was accosted by security. The guard told me to "stand fast" and then demanded to see my identification. He also had his hand near his pistol. I was a little nervous but after a second cop arrived I talked my way out of it and moved on to my destination.

Exciting huh?

While I have had so many thoughts I just seem to have lost the desire to put them down on "paper."

Tue, 28 Feb 2006 05:06:00 GMT

Free Market VS Central Command Economy on a Theoretical Level

Many times in conversation someone may utter something to the degree of “well communism works in theory it just does not work in practice.” While this statement is promulgated in an often cliché-like manner, it could hardly be further from the truth.

The argument that communism is a sound, cogent, and effective theory is not only inaccurate, it is also untenable.

The basics of theoretical communism: Capitalists misrepresent the utility (added value) due to the labor input of the production function in order to extort profits for expedient ends. The inputs into a commodity are land labor and capital. Therefore a commodity cannot be priced in a market for higher than the sum of these inputs. However, in practice capitalists appear to do just that. This truth only illuminates the inaccurate assessment of land labor and capital, especially labor. For land and capital are quantified with ease in most cases; however, labor is not quite as tangible and can be a more elusive input to price correctly. Therefore, the ineluctable conclusion of theoretical communism is that a select group of often highly affluent and privileged individuals extort the gullible masses on the open market; and to add insult to injury, they do so at the expense of the labor of the working class. In exchange for their labor the workers are highly underpaid and the difference is pocketed by the capitalists.

Through this line of reasoning communists asseverate that the economic picture of the world is a zero sum game. In other words, if the capitalists are profiting then it is at the expense of the workers’ labor and the consumers’ naiveté. The only way anyone can get a bigger piece of the pie is if someone else gets a smaller piece of the pie. The zero sum game concept of the economic world was strongly and vehemently espoused by Marx and Engles. They hammered away at this “truth” for good reason; it was, and still is the fundamental basis and cardinal point to justify all the views they espoused. Among these views was the call for drastic action to implement socialism and a command economy. After all, this foundation works marvelously for engendering spite, ill will, anger, resentment, and an “us versus them” mentality. Thus, this was the driving force for the fulminations of Marx and Engles.

In order to rectify the egregious and pervasive injustices of the capitalists Marx and Engles outlined a new paradigm. There would be central control of all resources, production, and output. This central control would meticulously and scientifically plan the allocation of these inputs, processes, and outputs to satisfy the needs of all individuals. The result would be a beautiful utopia where all would be satiated with food, raiment, and shelter. Additionally, the best person for a given job would be assigned as a perfect match with that job. Each worker will work according to his ability and each individual will receive according to his need. Surely a system grounded in such moral fiber and unselfish virtue would yield great fecundity and provide for the needs of all. There would be no room for extortion or avarice. This system is designed to bring out the best spirits and sentiments from its workers. Even in the writings of Marx and Engles there is talk about a future with no ill; a future with no room or time for iniquity. It would be almost supernatural how the implementation of communism would culminate in a virtuous utopia.

To recap, it is crucial to outline that the basis for theoretical communism is that a zero sum game exists in a world where many are needy. In order to gain wealth it must be done at the expense of others. Left unchecked, a free market system will engender rapacious behavior that will leave many bereft and impecunious. Communism will remedy the maladies of the free market and capitalism through allocating each individual to his or her ability and by allocating economic output according the needs of each individual. Through this, perfect matches will be made.

Ideally through theoretical communism each individual will have work that he or she is good at. Each individual will have his or her basic needs met. There will be shelter, food, and clothing for all.

The other side of the story…

Many times I have seen people compare theoretical communism to the modified forms of free market capitalism that we experience in actuality. Of course theories are different from practice; however, the comparison mentioned above in synonymous to comparing a picture of an apple to a real orange. In order to achieve a fair and telling comparison it is only germane that theoretical communism be juxtaposed with theoretical capitalism and not approximated and twisted forms of it that exist in the “real world.” After all, even if the most redoubtable communist economies in the real world are compared to just modest capitalist economies the results are nothing less than laughable. The free market beats out the command economy hands down every time; however, that is for another essay.

The basis for theoretical capitalism: The inputs into a commodity are land, labor, capital, and human capital. This last input is notably absent in the framework of theoretical communism; however, it is perhaps the most important and strongest factor in the production equation. Human capital is comprised of level of education, initiative, entrepreneurship, and ideas of the driving member or members that desire to produce; i.e. the capitalist (as endearingly dubbed by the communist school of thought.) However, in theoretical capitalism the capitalist can be anyone and everyone. Where communism accuses rich “capitalists” of cutting labor short and pocketing the extra money themselves, the capitalist school of thought knows better. This “extra” utility in a commodity is due to human capital. It is not just extra utility extracted from labor. Labor is priced appropriately through supply and demand and is done so voluntarily by all parties consenting. In fact, if any party did not agree to the terms of a labor contract, the contract would not exist. All such contracts are entered into with the perception of a win-win situation: workers will not sell their labor unless they perceive that the wages they earn are worth more than their labor; a fortiori, employers will not employ workers unless they value the labor more than they value the cost of the wages. Not only are there more inputs to the production function than land, labor, and capital, but under the capitalist view of the economic world a positive sum game exists as well! That is, as production commences, the tangible value of a commodity can be increased to a greater amount than the sum of the tangible value of the land, labor, and capital that go into it. This extra value is accounted for by the intangible value of human capital and the drive of entrepreneurs to become economically successful. The existence of a positive sum game has a significant and far reaching conclusion: everyone can become wealthier!!! I can gain while you gain as well!

Under a capitalist system a free market and voluntary exchange exist. Each individual can acquire and own property. Additionally, each individual can do exactly what he or she wants to do in life as long as doing so does not harm or infringe upon the rights of others.

Voluntary exchange is paramount to capitalism and fosters a positive sum game. To illustrate the role of voluntary exchange in creating wealth a simple example is provided. A farmer has one bushel of grain to sell and has a basic need that he must obtain fifty dollars for it. A potential buyer is looking for one bushel of grain and has a basic need for it in exchange for seventy dollars. Now, if a transaction is made between these two parties at a price of sixty dollars then the farmer walks away ten dollars richer because be earned more than the grain was worth to him. The grain was only worth fifty dollars to the farmer but now he has sixty. The grain and fifty dollars were fungible to the farmer but now he has more. On the other hand the buyer is also ten dollars richer because he has the grain which was fungible with his seventy dollars; however, he still has ten of his seventy dollars ancillary to the grain which he needed. Thus, the world is now richer by twenty dollars because this exchange took place. A communist economic system would have precluded this conclusion of increased wealth as voluntary exchange is proscribed. All transactions must be dealt through a central planning authority.

To recap, capitalism is a system which fosters win-win situations through the medium of free markets and voluntary exchange. These win-win situations create wealth and empower a positive sum game to govern the economic world. Each individual has the opportunity to pursue his or her dreams, ambitions, and desires. Not only can an individual be satisfied with food, clothing, and shelter, but rather can also gain confidence, happiness, and self-actualization.

Ideally through theoretical capitalism, each individual is pursuing his or her dreams and dream jobs. These individuals are employed in these careers at exactly their opportunity cost, meaning they are earning exactly what they need to keep doing it. Under capitalism these choices are left to individuals and not to a central authority; this is crucial as capitalism respects and thrives from personal freedom. Sometime the best person able to perform a given job may not always be the happiest person for that job. Rather, the best job for a person is attained under ideal theoretical capitalism as the individual pursues what he or she desires. Additionally, the competition elicited from free markets and voluntary exchange works to engender technological advances, demand continuous improvement and innovation, and to price commodities at exactly what they are worth matching supply with demand. Under theoretical capitalism each individual will have his or her basic needs met: food, clothing, and shelter…. but so much more as well. Theoretical capitalism also provides for security, confidence, and self-actualization. (The higher needs on Maslow’s pyramid.)

Even on a theoretical level capitalism works better. Theoretical communism is based on flawed assumptions of a zero sum game, a static economic picture of wealth, a lack of information for the masses, and a production function without human capital. Theoretical communism also denies basic individual property rights, individual choice, and self-determination. An individual under theoretical communism may have food, water, and a place to stay but also may be miserable at the prospect of being stuck in a job of which he loathes. In contrast, under theoretical capitalism, individuals enjoy personal freedom to choose their own economic destiny. They may aspire to achieve myriad goals and rise to immense financial and personal success. Theoretical capitalism also benefits everyone on the whole through innovation, technological advances, and a positive sum game that results in an ever increasing standard of living for society. Ultimately, capitalism and free markets trump communism and a command economy both in practice and in theory.

Very Short

Mon, 27 Feb 2006 03:16:35 GMT

Okay, so I need to get to bed shortly as I must rise early in the morning for another fun filled day of work on the USS Florida.

Saturday I stood Engineering Duty Officer under instruction. I finally feel as though I am starting to get the hang of this watch; albeit, there is still much to learn. At least I am getting a good feel for it. I think the guys like me too... they played a pretty funny prank on me! I think this should be taken as an endearing prank, if that is even a real term. To summarize, I ended up with black pencil grease all over my face and ear from answering the phone. It took several conniving watch standers coordinating their efforts to culminate in my victim-hood; I applaud their efforts. I also seemed to have picked up a new sobriquet from the other junior officers: Lieutenant Evil! This is obviously from my laugh!

Tonight, (Sunday,) much to my delight I was able to enjoy a magnificent dinner at Ruth's Chris Steak House. It has been almost five years since I last was a patron there; it is every bit as good as I remember it.

Well I better get to bed. Perhaps I can expatiate more in the near future!

A short one...

Fri, 24 Feb 2006 03:05:49 GMT

Well I need to retire to bed shortly. I do not have terribly too much to write this fine evening. Today was rather mundane and filled with quotidian tasks. I did get to frequent the gym twice today. This is inclusive of the command physical training that I participated in. That was pretty enjoyable and a good workout, though I wish it had lasted longer.

I got to talk to Jeb (my nephew) tonight. I really really long to return to Nags Head this summer with my family. They are going to go deep sea fishing. We have not done that as a family since the year 2000. The same year that my mother and I pulled of the unthinkable grand slam for no-trump in bridge!!! I will have to write about that experience at another time.

Well I felt a tad bit on the lonely side today. It is my a strong hope of mine to meet some female companions after I move to Florida.

Well I better get going to bed.

My goals, hopes, and dreams

Thu, 23 Feb 2006 02:51:02 GMT

Goals for This Year (2006)

The following represent my goals and desires for this year and the future after it. These goals encompass many different aspects of my life and are very sacred to me. These constitute the majority of my thoughts. I believe that if we have a plan for the future and plan for success then we will be much more likely to achieve it.

Financially: I desire to keep investing in stocks and to obtain the ideal balance in my portfolio to match my personal comfort level of risk. I definitely need to acquire some international mutual funds. I believe these will be among the leading areas of growth for the next 20 years and perhaps beyond. Developing economies have much farther to grow than a developed economy.

Also, I must obtain some kick ass roommates for my new house. I think I need at least two, but would like to have three. Heaven knows we will have room with 2700 square feet and five bedrooms. This place is going to rock! I cannot wait to get it setup with a projection television and 7.1 surround sound. Throw in a couple thousand glow sticks, a professional audio system, and club lighting and we have Club Wiggles! Back to a financial standpoint, this house seemingly has a potential to make me or hurt me (not break me though.) I believe this is a remarkable opportunity on both a personal and financial level. I pray that my plan to use this house as an investment in real estate will work out smoothly and with high efficacy.

Physically: It is about time that I fully develop my potential to have the body of titan. I have a good start and it is still winter. This is very heartening. I need to keep watching what I eat and to keep consuming lots of protein. I want to gain muscle mass, definition, and to burn fat. I want to and WILL look good. I especially want to keep adding definition to my arms. I have neglected my biceps in the past, and this was a horrific mistake. Obviously, I want to look highly attractive to the opposite sex as well.

I also want to get into ideal shape in order to pass the divers physical fitness test for the Navy. I would eventually like to go to diver’s school. I need to get my run time down to less than 10 min for a mile and a half. I do not foresee a problem in accomplishing this given the time that I have and the progress that I am making currently.

Mentally: It is my absolute dream to go to a top 10 MBA school. I would be absolutely elated to attend Harvard Business School!!! This would mean so much to me. It would mean that I was right the whole time when I was always saying that anyone can do anything you put your mind to. I always did believe this and still do. In order to facilitate this goal I will need to get a high GMAT score. The average for last year’s graduate class at Harvard for an MBA is 707. I am shooting for a 750 or above. This is a very formidable task but I believe that with assiduous practice I can develop the requisite endurance and hone my acumen to achieve this feat. My grades from my undergraduate work are definitely competitive. Apart from these prerequisites, I need to continue to work hard with the Navy and develop a solid reputation for my work ethic.

More for my immediate and long term personal satisfaction and edification, I am striving to augment my vocabulary with myriad new words. I hope to study several new words with each passing day and to inculcate these into my vocabulary. My end goal is to master these words and to comprehend the abstract concepts behind them. Ultimately I believe that learning new words buttresses your conceptual understanding of reality. Thus by learning and employing new words I can expand the horizon to my realm of conception; this will enable me to grow intellectually at a rapid pace.

Spiritually: I always need to stay close to God. My understanding of God has progressed throughout my life. I honestly and sincerely believe that God is unconditional love and that while it can be painfully difficult to live life at times, everything will make sense and be alright in the end. In fact I have faith that not only will everything be alright but rather everything will be magnificent; all wrongs will be righted, all sins will be forgiven, fear will be eclipsed by love. I truly believe that with faith you can do anything. Christ made many references to this in both words and actions.

I hope to treat others with kindness. I hope to learn humility without discomfiture. I will strive to gain spiritual perspective. I want to look at the beauty in life always.

Karma is alive and well in this world; however, the law of forgiveness supplants karma if you choose to accept forgiveness and to show it to others. I do not believe that it is possible to transcend all suffering and to obtain nirvana without the help of God. It seems inconceivably difficult to accomplish this alone or simply through meditation. Rather, I believe that we must ask for and employ God’s help. I do not want to do it alone. I want to walk a path with God.

It is my great desire to become less selfish and less self centered. I hope that I can be a servant to others and to bring good to others. I want others to see the divinity in me so that I may be a testament to God’s awesome power and love and to the importance of faith.

Sometimes we find faith surrounded by light, yet I found it surrounded by darkness. I truly have learned that wanting to want to believe is enough. “The faith of a mustard seed can move a mountain”

Family: My final section of goals if for my family life. Family is everything and I thank God for my family every single day. It is my deepest desire that somehow someway I may be able to go to the beach with my family to Nag’s Head. This is our tradition and this is our legacy. I pray that God will find a way for me to go even though it seems highly improbable at this point.

I really would like to go to dinner with my whole family as a group again. Perhaps we could even play some bridge afterward or another game.

I hope to see Lindsay, Tyler, Jeb, and Jessi this year. Maybe they could even come to my new house and spend some time with me. I would love to have some fun with them. I really do believe that I am nothing but a big kid on the inside.

My parents are such a blessing. I could not ask for better parents. My father is my hero and my mother is heart. I want to be just like them when I grow up. I pray that God will let me have a long time in life with them and that they will see my children and have a relationship with them too.

Yes I still am hoping to also find that special someone one day. I am in no hurry and I believe that we will find each other eventually. This is my destiny and my prayer. God hears me and he is listening. I trust God and I trust that not only will He grant my wish, but He will do so exceeding even my highest expectations. He will give me the greatest desires of my heart and they will be better than my wildest imaginations.

Discursive Distortions of Thought

Wed, 22 Feb 2006 07:36:05 GMT

I feel lost. I wander through a forest in the cold night without a light. I discover many paths, yet each one turns out to be a dead end, or a circuitous route. I do not know where to turn now and I am so sick of winter. I want to get out. I want to see the sunrise again. I want to run on the beach and get knocked down by the waves. I want to play in the sun all day long.

At night I want to stay up late. I want to let my dark side come out. I want to see the moon and waltz under the stars. I want to feel the wonder and excitement of it all. I seek my dark angel as an eternal companion. Where is she? Is she coming?

Is this supposed to be another artsy story or some hackneyed poetic theme? I think not. These are just the metaphors that I have assigned to my life and my situation. I seem to work all the time with no end in sight. It is a huge deal just to have a day off. I miss my friends and hanging out with others. I miss my family and all the things we do together. I have so many thoughts racing through my mind. I have all the discursive ramblings above as well. Anyone that reads all this is probably going to thing I am certifiably nuts.

I want the wonder and excitement to continue. I want to be the hero to others. I want to be the guy that has what it takes and has it going on! I want to be the one that adds value. That people adore. That has authority to make things better just by command presence. I want to be that guy! I am that guy deep inside. I need to find myself again!

I feel as though I have so much potential yet I am in idle and I am running on empty. I need focus, a vision, a quest. Life is a game but somehow I am stuck at halftime.

22 February 2006

So I feel like writing. About what…? I am not exactly sure. I guess I should probably put down on paper (electronic paper,) what I have been thinking recently. Several different thoughts and themes have been creeping around my head. A few ghosts of the past also seem to continually haunt me as recurring themes.

What haunts me?

Britta just will not seem to leave me alone. In my mind of course.

Whitney… I just seem to have so much rancor built up inside of me waiting to seep to the surface. It seems to materialize at opportune times and stymie my efforts to enjoy a fun loving and peaceful life.
- She was so damn cold. Seriously as cold as ice. Just like a stranger as if she never knew me. So fake, flippant, supercilious, and stuck up.

What is the most devastating tragedy? It is not loss of life or loss of another. It is not the destruction of what you love. Rather it is the perversion of what you love… to something it’s not. It is discovering someone that you treasure is not the person you thought that someone was after all, but rather something far worse. It is the destruction of that persons essence in your mind. This represents the destruction of the romantic value of that person to you in the classical sense.

Jacquelyn. I would always have haunting dreams about her from time to time. Recently this dreams seem to have subsided; albeit, they are very vivid and intense when they do ensue. Things are like nothing bad ever happened, as if there was no rift between us ever.

I feel like a kid stuck in a grown ups body. I wonder if I am an anachronism sometimes. Sometimes I fear growing up, what if I never want to grow up? It seems so hard to move on with life. I had so much fun and received so much fulfillment.

Surely something big is brewing in life. Something big for me. I know God is thinking of me and He has a plan for me. Sometimes I am just now sure where I am headed. I feel off kilter of course.

I miss the Fourth of July and my cookouts. I miss family dinners. I miss long summer nights and longer movies afterwards. I miss laser tag, board games, candy, and soda. I lament the absence of these things.

I feel dark sometimes. I wish I could be a dark wonder of the night. To revel in the twisted and the singular. To have a nightmare queen.

Mon, 20 Feb 2006 07:28:43 GMT

Well, I do not intend to expatiate at length here or to attempt to aggrandize this first entry. I am pretty exhausted currently; this exhaustion is inclusive of the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual aspects of my life. Perhaps I will elaborate in depth at a later time. I wonder if anyone will read this or even become cognizant that I have written it here. I still have hope though, and I definitely have faith. I always want to keep the faith. I trust in God and still believe that the best is yet to come; this is really hard sometimes as it seems like my best days may be behind me and not ahead. I still believe.

While in thought throughout the day my mind kept revisiting certain goals that I would like to accomplish this year and in the near future. I know some people know, but I definitely want to be accepted to and graduate from Harvard Business School. I highly desire to obtain an MBA from there. Currently I am attempting to establish a regimen of studying for the GMAT. I also am trying to greatly improve my vocabulary. Perhaps a sesquipedalian or two will help to buttress my verbal foundation and augment my scores on standardized tests ;-) Indeed, I think I will aspire to employ the very best of the jewels ensconced in our beloved lexicon of the English language throughout my entries here. It is not my intention to appear ostentatiously grandiloquent, but rather to practice for the future.

Other goals that I will strive to accomplish this year include sculpting the body of my dreams. I intend to work hard physically with aerobic and anaerobic exercise to build muscle and burn fat. The possibility of attending diver's school came up at work. I would very much like to do this if I get the chance; however, I will need to be in tip top shape. I want to keep up a daily routine of intense exercise with a high efficacy towards furthering my goal.

I want to fall in love with a girl that is absolutely crazy about me.... and one that I can be absolutely crazy about in return. A symbiotic relationship with unconditional love on both sides. I want a girl who is cute and sweet and humorous. Someone who will adore my laugh and my silly disposition. I would love to have a girl who is confident, yet humble. The girl of my dreams will approach me out of the blue and start talking to me with confidence, stare into my eyes, and present a look full of wonder and magnificent excitement. I want a girl that I can take care of and that will take care of me. Maybe even someone who will let me buy her a schoolgirl outfit and then wear it for me :-P

I want to have a family. I want to be a father. I want my parents to know my children and to have a loving and active relationship with them as grandparents. Family is everything. EVERYTHING. God is number one and family is right there behind Him; cramped tightly next in line.

This year I desire strongly to return to Nags Head with my family. It is not just a beach to us; it is a legacy, a spiritual respite. Please God return me to Nags Head this year with my family. I want this so bad. I have missed it so much.

Well, perhaps I did expatiate at length after all. This was slightly easier than I had previously thought. Writing all of this was almost cathartic for me in some ways; probably unconsciously. Well, I guess I better go now as I have to work again tomorrow (today.)

"Love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use and persecute you..."

Please God, do not forgot about me and the deepest desires of my heart of which I confide in You.